Working as a nanny for dozens of families over the years, I have been asked a lot of interesting questions which I have tried to answer to the best of my abilities and understanding. A mother once asked me if I thought her four year old boy was gay. "What makes you think that?", I responded. She said, "Well, all his brothers love to play football, but all he wants to do is dance and play with dolls". I inquired further, "Sounds like he may be different from his brothers, but what's the problem?" She explained that her husband was having a hard time relating to this child because he had interests that he considered "girly" and was very worried that he might be gay. "Why are you worried?', I asked. She said her husband would be devastated. Then I asked, "But, how is your child going to feel about himself? Would you rather him be a sad and terrible football player or a world famous, well-accomplished dancer like Mikhale Baryshnikov?" This made her think. I explained that his interest in different activities or toys did not define his sexual orientation, but that his parents acceptance or lack of acceptance would most surely influence his self-esteem positively or negatively. Which would she prefer, a child who's spirit had been uplifted or squashed? And what was really more important to them as parents--that they raise a happy child or a heterosexual? My advice was feed his interests and support his individual path; let him make the decisions on what he wants to do, who he wants to be and who he wants to marry. A parents job is simply to love and support their children, not define them.
I never spoke with the father on the subject, but I hope my words gave her some perspective and gave rise to more conversation with her husband. Sadly, however, I don't feel this family's concerns are an isolated case. This is just one example of many which has fueled my interest in anti-bias education and parental support. "Supporting all children to develop their fullest range of abilities and skills is one of the key principles of the early childhood education field. Learning environments and activities that are gender-equitable put this principle into practice. However, when children absorb messages that limit their exploration and play, neither boys nor girls are able to prepare fully for the intellectual and emotional realities and demands of life (Klein et al 2007)" (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2010, p. 91).
Through teaching strategies in anti-bias education, I hope to work sensitively with families and support young children's curiosities, interests and confusion by being proactive, presenting opportunities to try out their ideas as well as new ideas and offering accurate information in response to their questions. Free play in early childhood should be just that--free time to explore and experiment with many different ways of being in the world free of judgement.
Reference:
Derman-Sparks, L., & Edwards, J. O., (2010), Anti-Bias Education for Young Children and Ourselves, NAEYC, Washington, DC
