Are We the Communicators We Think We Are?

This week in my Master's program, I was required to evaluate myself as a communicator and to listen to other's evaluations of my as a communicator.  To do this, we were asked to rate ourselves through "Communication Anxiety Inventory", "Verbal Aggressiveness Scale", and "Listening Styles Profile-16".  After completing the assessments and reviewing other's assessments of my communication skills, a couple of interesting points really surfaced for me.  Although I felt my results truly reflected my own self-concept about my communication style, I was surprised to find other's viewed my communication styles better than I viewed them myself.  Several of the questions also supplied me with ideas about communication that I feel are very useful during conflict.

In terms of the "Communication Anxiety Inventory", my co-workers scored me as being much more confident in my communication than I judged myself.  I found this both interesting and refreshing that I am able to contain my anxiety in ways that don't seem to affect my communication with them even if I am feeling nervous.  In truth, I suppose that when I do feel uncomfortable or as if the conversation is going in circles, I do speak up about these facts and relay them in the conversation through simple statements without judgement.  In my mind, honesty is the best policy, especially when communication is going awry.  I find this information extremely helpful as I set my professional goals toward more public speaking through workshops, professional development, and blogging about issues concerning teachers and parents involved with young children.  It is affirmation that I am on a career path that I can use to influence thoughts and ideas about best practices in the early childhood field and that I can have confidence in my self-presentation, self-concept and effective communication skills.  Feeling like I can make a difference in the lives of young children, their families and their teachers boost my self-esteem and gives me motivation to continue in this line of work which is new for me.  

I also found it interesting that my co-workers judged my verbal aggressiveness as much lower than my own thoughts about the subject.  However, feel I was judging myself more in a personal sense coming out of extreme conflict in my romantic relationship.  I think it's important for me to realize that I am capable of wearing a more professional hat in work related situations and adjust my communication styles accordingly.

I found my listening skills to be right on target with my own interpretation of myself as being people-oriented.  While I am empathetic and concerned with the feelings of others, my fault in this skill is that I often overly effected my other's emotions and take them on for myself.  If someone I'm speaking with starts to cry, I am most likely going to shed a tear with them.  While other's consider this a valuable communication skill, I am often though of as a therapist, without the qualifications, proper dynamic, or pay scale.  I am learning to temper this skill and seek balance that shows concern without letting other's emotions effect me personally and bring me down.

One question from the inventory really stuck out to me as a learning opportunity.  "I am extremely careful to avoid attacking individuals' intelligence when I attack their ideas" (Rubin, Palmgreen & Sypher, 2009).  I wish I had had this statement to pull out of my hat a week ago when I got into a conflict with my boss.  It's important when trying to reach common ground that we focus on challenging another's behavior verses their character. Using this strategy allows room to find compromise without insult, negative judgments that inhibit communication or navigating defensive reactions that are unproductive to positive outcomes.  I found this reminder extremely helpful.

If you would like to test your own communication styles, I highly recommend taking these inventories for yourself.  The more we learn about who we are and how we represent ourselves in the world, the further we get toward actual progress and successful results.  I invite you to take a moment and learn more about who you actually are as a communicator and self-reflect on ways to improve ourselves as well as model more competent communication strategies to others in both our personal and professional lives.

Reference:

Rubin, R. B., Palmgreen, P., & Sypher, H.E. (Eds) (2009).  Communication research measures: A sourcebook. 

     New York:  Routledge.

          "Communication Anxiety Inventory"

          "Verbal Aggressiveness Scale"

          " Listening Styles Profile--16"

Copyright 2009 Taylor & Francis Group LLC Books. Used with permission from Taylor & Francis via the Copyright Clearance Center.

"Living in a City of Immigrants"--Cross-Cultural Communication Strategies

Steve Earle, an American singer-songwriter, wrote the lyric, "Living in a city of immigrants, I don't need to go traveling--open the door and the world walks in, living in a city of immigrants"  He wrote the song about New York City, but I have to believe that it applies to every city, town and rural community in America today.   According to the Diversity Almanac listed in the article, Interpersonal Communication and Diversity:  Adapting to Others, two-thirds of the immigrants on this planet come to the United States" (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011, p. 87).  In addition, "According to U.S. Bureau of the Census population projections, by the year 2025 nearly half of all young adults in this country will come from minority groups" (Beebe, Beebe & Redmond, 2011, p. 87).  What are the implications of these trends?  For me, it means that I want to place more emphasis on learning, engaging, honing and modeling cross-cultural communication strategies in both my personal and professional life in the early childhood field.

Subconsciously, I often adjust my communication style to fit the audience I'm addressing.  For example, I have close friendships with three women (a grandmother, mother and daughter) in my life who are vastly different even though they come from the same family.  For example, if I'm talking to Nana who is 86, I automatically begin to speak slower, increase my volume, and refrain from using a lot of slang.  However, communication with her 26 yr. old granddaughter is vastly different and is more of a banter including quick responses, pop cultural references and an acceptance of the use of profanity.  Essentially, although these two women come from the same family, they also come from different cultures, and I have learned to adjust my communication style with each one accordingly.
However, the issue in not how well we automatically relate to others within our own family/friend group, but how well we relate to those outside our comfort zones and achieve effective communication.  This requires more conscious thought and a willingness to employ cross-cultural communication strategies.

     "Competent communicators want to learn and improve.  They are motivated to enhance their
      ability to relate to others and to accept others as they are.  A key to accepting others is to
      develop a positive attitude of tolerance and acceptance of those who are different from you.
      We suggest three strategies to help improve your acceptance and appreciation of others who
      differ from you:  Tolerate ambiguity, become mindful, and avoid negative judgements of others"
      (Beebe, Beebe & Redmond, 2011, p. 107).

I have traveled extensively in foreign countries where I did not speak the language or fully understand the culture.  My family and friends were often confused by how I would be able to relate and communicate with others.  However, I was motivated to be open-minded, learn about other cultures, mindful that my own perspective might not apply, willing to be uncomfortable, and accept that things would be different than what I was used.  This is an easy attitude to adopt when you willingly travel to foreign countries with a sense of adventure in your heart.  Yet, the point I want to make is that we must learn to adopt this 'traveler's spirit' within our own neighborhoods and communities.  It is one thing to go to another country and do as they do, but a different mindset to accept the vast differences of others in your own country.  As preschool teachers and early childhood professionals in a rapidly changing demographic across U.S. , we must take more active steps toward successful and effective cross-cultural communication strategies.  For, when we open the door to our classroom, it's likely the world will walk in, and we should be whole-heartedly ready to welcome it.

Reference:
Beebe, S.A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V.  (2011).  Interpersonal communication:  Relating to 
     others (6th ed.).  Boston, MA:  Allyn & Bacon.

Show Verses Tell--Understanding Nonverbal Communications in Context

     Have you ever tried to watch television in a foreign country without subtitles?  Have you ever observed two people in a conversation across a room and made assumptions about their relationship based on their body language?  Understanding nonverbal communication can be tricky; translating body language and facial expressions is often ambiguous.  While learning to use, gauge and factor nonverbal messages are necessary aspects of competent communication, one must also consider the situational and cultural contexts of nonverbal cues to fully understand what is actually being communicated.

    As an exercise in my Master's Communication course, we were asked to watch a television show without volume and make assumptions about the characters and plot.  Then, we were asked to re-watch with the volume on to check our accuracy in reading nonverbal communication.  I chose a popular series my friends have been talking about called, "Louie", based on the life of a New York comedian, Louie C. K. 

     In this episode, I watched as a man and a woman were shopping together in a pharmacy.  She was looking at hair brushes and making motions used to fix her hair.  The man looked confused and uninterested by the way he half-nodded and showed no sign of engaging facial expressions.  Based purely on body language, it was hard to tell if the man and woman were siblings, neighbors or colleagues.  While they stood close to each other, it did not seem to be a sign of intimacy.  Suddenly, the woman began a series of body gestures to imitate taking off her clothes, showering and toweling off in the middle of the store.  The man looked embarrassed and uncomfortable.   I wondered if he thought the woman was a little crazy, or if he was uncertain whether a display of body language was meant to attract him or sexualize their encounter.

    Upon second viewing with volume, I realized that the man and woman had recently met in their building, and although he was attracted to her, they did not share the same language, which leads to some confusion and uncertainty in their interactions and body language.  Her attempt at using her body and gestures by mimicking a shower scene was not meant as an overt sexual gesture or silly attempt for attention; it was used to convey a message that she was looking for a hair dryer without knowing the English word.  She could not tell him her need, so she did her best to show her need through body gestures.  When he finally interprets the message correctly and hands her a hair dryer from another shelf, they both smile, laugh, and high-five to show mutual understanding, satisfaction, and success in their nonverbal communication strategies.

     This scenario illustrates how we often make assumptions about others based on nonverbal communication as well as it's importance and necessity in different situations.  "Situational context determines the rules of behavior and the roles people must play under different conditions.  Competent communicators will always consider the appropriateness and effectiveness of nonverbal communication in a given context" (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012, p. 151).  

      A wonderful example of the importance of understanding situational context in the preschool world would be a teacher reacting to a group of boys across the yard who are exhibiting aggressive behavior and facial gestures.  Taken out of context, this could be a dangerous situation that requires immediate intervention. However, when you take an extra moment to discover that they are all in agreement about a game together and they are only acting the parts, then we are allowing them creative exploration of nonverbal communication in a safe environment.  So, next time you observe others 'acting' crazy or think you can read a situation from across the room (or playground, as it may be), consider the situational context before reacting to the show.  Ask for clarification and rely on multiple forms of communication to tell the whole story. 

Reference:

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M., (2012).  Real communication:  An introduction.  Bedford/ St. Martin's

Model Communicator

When asked to think of a model communicator within a certain context, the first example that comes to mind is my father.  However, it's not always what my father says, but the way he says it that makes him such an effective communicator.  His style of communication has earned him the nickname, "Old Indian", in our family and accurately demonstrates some aspects of his demeanor.  His nature is quiet yet strong; his attitude is reverent and positive.  He holds himself with confidence without arrogance and always seems to remain calm and collected enough to respond to others verses reacting to them.

Growing up, there was never a time when I can remember my father raising his voice or yelling. When discipline was necessary, he took his time to respond to the situation, and never reacted in anger.  Many times, my mistaken behavior happened during the day while he was at work and was relayed to him by my mother.  Thinking back, I truly appreciate his approach to the situation by taking the time to ask me questions in a calm tone about the situation, and not just taking my mother's word/side of things.  He engaged me in a communication exchange and explained things to me in a language that I could understand.  If punishment was still required, it was always given at a later moment and although I didn't like it, I never feared it, which really allowed the words of guidance to sink in.

He also employs a wonderful communication strategy of calling out the obvious in a jovial, non-threatening way, keeping the focus, and allowing others time to answer their own questions.  His way of explaining things often involves allowing others the room to make mistakes and then talking through solutions.  I remember as a young child climbing too high in a tree in the backyard.  When I called out to him for help, his response was with a half laugh, "What are you doing climbing so high if you're scared to come down? How did you get up there?  Just calm down, you're OK, and think about retracing your steps down the same way you went up."  Had he yelled at me to get down, it would not have helped me solve my problem.  If he had reacted and climbed up to save me, I would have never learned to find the confidence to get myself out of this and other sticky situations.

I hope to model and possess this same type of communication style with young children.  With effective communication through my body language, demeanor, tone and volume of voice, I can properly respond to learning opportunities and teaching moments in a way that can allow young children to receive the message as responsive, kind, and supportive as well as to learn lessons that will carry them far beyond my classroom.  In any situation with young children, parents, co-workers, friends and strangers, I try to remember the example my father modeled.  By learning to take a step back, asking questions, listening to responses and controlling my own emotions and/or reactions, I am more likely to achieve effective communication in all areas of my life, and, hopefully, model it for others.