Are We the Communicators We Think We Are?

This week in my Master's program, I was required to evaluate myself as a communicator and to listen to other's evaluations of my as a communicator.  To do this, we were asked to rate ourselves through "Communication Anxiety Inventory", "Verbal Aggressiveness Scale", and "Listening Styles Profile-16".  After completing the assessments and reviewing other's assessments of my communication skills, a couple of interesting points really surfaced for me.  Although I felt my results truly reflected my own self-concept about my communication style, I was surprised to find other's viewed my communication styles better than I viewed them myself.  Several of the questions also supplied me with ideas about communication that I feel are very useful during conflict.

In terms of the "Communication Anxiety Inventory", my co-workers scored me as being much more confident in my communication than I judged myself.  I found this both interesting and refreshing that I am able to contain my anxiety in ways that don't seem to affect my communication with them even if I am feeling nervous.  In truth, I suppose that when I do feel uncomfortable or as if the conversation is going in circles, I do speak up about these facts and relay them in the conversation through simple statements without judgement.  In my mind, honesty is the best policy, especially when communication is going awry.  I find this information extremely helpful as I set my professional goals toward more public speaking through workshops, professional development, and blogging about issues concerning teachers and parents involved with young children.  It is affirmation that I am on a career path that I can use to influence thoughts and ideas about best practices in the early childhood field and that I can have confidence in my self-presentation, self-concept and effective communication skills.  Feeling like I can make a difference in the lives of young children, their families and their teachers boost my self-esteem and gives me motivation to continue in this line of work which is new for me.  

I also found it interesting that my co-workers judged my verbal aggressiveness as much lower than my own thoughts about the subject.  However, feel I was judging myself more in a personal sense coming out of extreme conflict in my romantic relationship.  I think it's important for me to realize that I am capable of wearing a more professional hat in work related situations and adjust my communication styles accordingly.

I found my listening skills to be right on target with my own interpretation of myself as being people-oriented.  While I am empathetic and concerned with the feelings of others, my fault in this skill is that I often overly effected my other's emotions and take them on for myself.  If someone I'm speaking with starts to cry, I am most likely going to shed a tear with them.  While other's consider this a valuable communication skill, I am often though of as a therapist, without the qualifications, proper dynamic, or pay scale.  I am learning to temper this skill and seek balance that shows concern without letting other's emotions effect me personally and bring me down.

One question from the inventory really stuck out to me as a learning opportunity.  "I am extremely careful to avoid attacking individuals' intelligence when I attack their ideas" (Rubin, Palmgreen & Sypher, 2009).  I wish I had had this statement to pull out of my hat a week ago when I got into a conflict with my boss.  It's important when trying to reach common ground that we focus on challenging another's behavior verses their character. Using this strategy allows room to find compromise without insult, negative judgments that inhibit communication or navigating defensive reactions that are unproductive to positive outcomes.  I found this reminder extremely helpful.

If you would like to test your own communication styles, I highly recommend taking these inventories for yourself.  The more we learn about who we are and how we represent ourselves in the world, the further we get toward actual progress and successful results.  I invite you to take a moment and learn more about who you actually are as a communicator and self-reflect on ways to improve ourselves as well as model more competent communication strategies to others in both our personal and professional lives.

Reference:

Rubin, R. B., Palmgreen, P., & Sypher, H.E. (Eds) (2009).  Communication research measures: A sourcebook. 

     New York:  Routledge.

          "Communication Anxiety Inventory"

          "Verbal Aggressiveness Scale"

          " Listening Styles Profile--16"

Copyright 2009 Taylor & Francis Group LLC Books. Used with permission from Taylor & Francis via the Copyright Clearance Center.