Build It Up and Tear It Down--Team Building

Gina Abudi (2010), an expert at team building, project management and leadership development, has carefully lined out five stages of team development that all teams must go through including forming, storming, norming, performing and adjourning.  Keep in mind that a team can consist of just two people and therefore may include many different dynamics and situations in our lives including adult-child relationships, family relationships, school, work, or organizational relationships, which all involve teams.  I have a clear understanding of the importance of forming, storming and norming which includes the initial formation of the team, an outpouring of ideas as roles and procedures are being determined, and coming together to realize the benefit of working cooperatively and what can be expected of each team member.  The performing stage also seems pretty clear, when it all comes together.  However, the adjourning stage was an aspect of quality team building that I had never considered before.

When I think back to recent teams I have been a part of including working with families in classroom and home environments, co-workers in different jobs I've had, or groups of students achieving an academic goal together, each one has included an adjourning stage although I had not recognized it as that until now.  At the end of the school year, we often throw parties or attend graduation ceremonies, but why are these rituals important?  "This stage looks at the team from the perspective of the well-being of the team rather than from the perspective of managing a team through the original four stages of team growth"(Abudi, 2010). Often, working productively and diligently toward a common goal creates special bonds with others that must be honored.  Sometimes, it's not enough to celebrate the achievement of a goal or end of a project, we must recognize and celebrate each member's contribution to the task and the team.

For example, there is always sadness in my heart when I move on from a nanny job because I have formed such intimate partnerships with the child and parents; I not only feel a part of the team, but a part of the family.  We always set up some kind of transitions to help the child understand the situation and deal with the transition, but it is as helpful to me and the parents as well to have an opportunity to applaud our commitments to each other through good times and bad.  Once, after being told that a family did not have the financial means to keep me employed, I recall feeling incredibly sad not about losing my job, but feeling like I had lost my place on the team.  The mother responded as I apologized for my tears, "I would be more upset if you weren't crying because it shows me how you value our relationship."  It was true, and we needed a ceremony to honor that commitment and feel good about moving on to both our next challenges in the world.

Adjourning is an essential stage of teamwork because it allows for honor, closure and growth. It also allows for people to take a moment to feel the depth of their connections, the power of their unity, and make plans about how they may choose to stay connected in the future.  As a nanny, I always find it interesting and wonderfully satisfying when a family calls me up months after my job has ended to let me know how much they miss me or how much smoother the house seemed to run when I was there.  This let's me know beyond a doubt how much they valued me as team member, and makes me feel pride in my teamwork and true connections with people.  

Though we may adjourn and go our separate ways, we remain connected through our experience and memories together, which provides each party with confidence and value moving forward.  I can only hope that my colleagues in this Master's program will agree, and we can all gain as much value, support, confidence and connectedness when moving beyond this program as we have found in it.  

Reference:

Abudi, G. (2010). The five stages of team development: A case study. Retrieved from http://www.projectsmart.co.uk/the-five-stages-of-team-development-a-case-study.html

Conflict Resolution

Currently, I am having a conflict with my boss at work.  Since he is the owner of the establishment, there is no one else to talk to about the issue or to help us manage the conflict.  During a disagreement this week, I was proud of myself for not letting my emotions get the best of me and remaining calm and capable of sharing my feelings.  I practiced several Non Violent Communication strategies including active listening, paraphrasing back to check for clarity, and searching for other possible compromises.  However, my boss was unbending.  He was trying to apologize to me, but could not stay on topic, talked for 20 minutes without asking me one question, and could not make eye contact during the whole conversation.

Needless to say, I'm frustrated.  And, although I feel like I have tried many strategies to assist in productive communication, it is not happening.  While I cannot escape this situation (unless I quit), I can learn to manage it for myself even if I cannot come to some resolution with my boss.  "It is important to note that productive conflict does not necessarily mean a successful resolution of conflict.  Results of a recent study on dating couples revealed that most conflicts do not result in resolution, and that a couples' satisfaction is determined more by the strategies used to manage conflict than the outcome of the argument (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012, p. 221).

While I feel very fortunate NOT to be dating my boss, I have realized that I have other solutions to the problem beyond resolution.  One strategy I am implementing is to not take anything he has to say about me personally.  Another strategy I'm using is conflict avoidance by accepting his ideas about his business even if I disagree.  By refusing to enter into a power struggle or a conversation that is unproductive, I am managing my conflict with my boss.  And, although we have not been able to resolve our conflict, I am a much happier person not allowing the conflict to dictate my emotions, goals or ability to work effectively.  "To believe that conflict can be productive rather than destructive, you have to actively engage in it" (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012, p. 221).  While I feel I gave my best attempt at productive resolution, further attempts I feel will only be more destructive to my work environment.  I guess it is as they say even with all our NVC strategies and positive communication skills; sometimes, we have to just agree to disagree, right?

Reference:
O'Hair D., & Wiemann, M., (2012).  Real communication:  An introduction.  Bedford/St. Martin's.
     New York.