Wrong Way VS Right of Way--Observing Communication with Children

   So many times we get stuck on what others are doing wrong--especially when it comes to communicating and interacting with children.  We do this because it hurts to watch a child being mistreated and we instinctively want to defend them or "call out" the adult treating them unfairly.  Unfortunately, examples of negative adult/child interaction and communication can be found everyday at your local grocery stores, WalMarts, Targets, and such.   Adults often become so focused on the task (or multi-task) at hand, that they forget their children's agenda is much different. As a teacher, I often have to fight the need to stand up for the rights of the child and help the parent correct the problem in a more positive way.

     However, I would like to take an opportunity highlight an example of the "right way" I observed a parent communicating with her child.  In a local clothing boutique, a mother was busily scouring a "sale" rack when her 5 yr. old entered the area speaking very loudly in a British accent.  "Mummy, while you are busy shopping, the wee one and I will be very busy in the book area having tea and bickies".  The mother responded, "Ok, love".  The child continued to stay in the area and speak in her British accent as if she were an equal part of the shopping experience pointing out patterns she likes or thought would be nice for her mom.  She turned to me and commented on a piece of clothing in my hand.  Then she explained in a whisper, "I'm not really British; I'm just pretending", and she went right back into character full volume.  It wasn't what her mother said or did that caught my attention, it's what she did not do.  Her mother simply responded with a smile and no words.  How awesome; how affirming for the child, I thought.  

     What I realized is how confident the child was with her mother and herself to allow her to engage in this play scenario in public and to include adult strangers in the game.  She was "trying on" something new in the world, and her mother completely accepted and supported this.  She did not make apologies, excuses or explain to the other adults; she did not tell the child she was being "silly" nor responded in the same accent, but instead accepted her child's dramatization as an active part of play in the world.  Children learn a great deal from pretend and dramatic play, however it does not always take place at a certain "free play" time everyday or in a "dress up" area of the home or classroom.  Children are happily engaged in dramatic play scenarios in the world with or without props, and this is an important part of their learning about the ways of our world, the ways of their world, and the ways of their world in comparison to others.  Kuddos to this mom for allowing her child to be just who she is, and pretend to be whomever she wants to support her growth and development.

     Adult-child communication is often tricky.  Many times adults dismiss and shut down play scenarios or take them over by directing.  But, there are some things adults can bring to the interaction that improves communication, expression, and the development of the child's own voice/personality.  The key is a positive mindset and a little distance to help observe what the child is actually trying to say or work out through action, pretend, or words.  According to Lisa Kolbeck (2011), "It's almost like children have a play being and a real being.  And they're both real, of course, but children's play being is like a metaphor for their real being".  Being aware of how fast and noisy the adult world is, it's important to remember to go slow with them, be receptive to not only what children are saying but how they are saying it without taking words out of their mouth and discrediting the play experience.  "Let them feel what the flower of their idea was, letting it come out of them" (Laureate Education, 2011).
   
     I am learning to do the same-- to slow down, be with children in the world as they experience and express it in creative ways, and to remember that my agenda is different from theirs.  If I am to truly serve them and aid in their healthy development, then I must allow them to be my guide.  Reminding other adults of the depth of learning that takes place during these positive adult-child communications will be a focus for me in future parent/teacher education workshops, as well as doling out compliments to parents in public who are allowing their children the "right of way" in discovery of who they want to be in the world by learning to express themselves and communicate with others in their own unique ways (respectfully, of course).  I invite you to also challenge yourselves to catch another adult in positive communication with a child and compliment them.  We all need positive reinforcement sometimes!

Reference:

Laureate Education, Inc. (2011). Strategies for working with diverse children: Communicating with young children. Baltimore, MD: Author